The "Peter Andre is a nice bloke, you know" publicity machine is out of control

• Posted by: 3am
• 23/09/09
• 04:48 pm

We knew there was something not quite right about The Saturdays - they're just too perfect to look at. And now we know why - they're robots, programmed by mysterious forces from above (or down under) to spread the word that Peter Andre is basically the messiah. Just look what they wrote on Twitter today after "bumping into" (oh, how convenient) Pete during some sort of promotional thing or other.

Frankie: “Just met Peter Andre and he made every member of The Saturdays go weak at the knees!”

Rochelle: “Peter Andre is the nicest guy ever.”

Una: “Just for the record, Peter Andre is a real gentleman! And he smells lovely!”

Vanessa: “Peter Andre is a very nice guy”

Mollie: “Just spoke to Peter Andre ahhhh! Love him. Peter come see us again soon!!!!! Xxx”

In case you haven't quite caught the gist of the subtle nuances of all that, we'll spell it out for you: all five members of the Saturdays officially think that Peter Andre is a nice man. That's it, there's no catch. They didn't write that because they knew mentioning Pete would get them some press. They haven't been drugged, brainwashed or blackmailed. They mean it, from the bottom of their hearts. They love him. He smells nice. The end.

We're glad we can rely on The Saturdays to break shocking bombshells like this, as we'd hate to go through life thinking that Peter Andre was merely human, and not the untouchable Godlike figure with magic powers that he clearly is.

Shit, is he actually Derren Brown with a six-pack and an album out? Are we all going to be humilated live on Channel Four over this at some point?

(Pics: Splash/Getty)