Simon Cowell. On a bum. Hot.

• Posted by: 3am
• 20/11/09
• 02:44 pm

There are some bad jokes about "bum notes" and "X marks the spot" to be made here but we're too good for that. Ish. So instead we'll just tell you that some bloke in Wales called Blane Dickinson has had Simon Cowell tattooed on his bum. His pink, pimply bum.

Blane got his I Heart Jedward tattoos (we're assuming John is on the other cheek, but we're quite happy not to see evidence of this) when Lucie Jones got voted off. And when the twins stayed in for another week, he got Simon. This doesn't make much sense to us either, so we'll let Blane himself explain:

"It’s a tongue in cheek protest," he says, possibly not realising the inappropriateness of this expression in a story about bums. "If they end up winning the competition I may just get all four judges tattooed on my behind as an act of protest. I can’t believe they are still in a talent competition."

There are numerous less painful and much less embarrassing ways to "protest" that we can think of. Like, say, storming the stage with a pineapple upon one's head, but each to his own and all that. Also, if he hates Jedward, why do his tattoos say otherwise? We can't help but think he must hate himself more. Although not as much as Simon Cowell's going to hate him when he realises this is exactly what he looks like every time he gets a bit too much sun.