3am Guestlist: It’s not about fame, it’s not about talent, it’s about how much we like gossiping about them…

1. Robbie Williams

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Hi Elton, how're things? David Furnish doing... hang on, Robbie? Is that really you?

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• Keep Robbie Williams here

2. Cheryl Cole

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Staring at pretty pictures of Chez is about to get a whole lot easier

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3. Peter Andre

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There was a lot of twatty behaviour going down at V Festival this weekend...

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4. Danyl Johnson

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Happy birthday Danyl! We got you a poem. It doesn't come with a receipt so you can't do swapsies

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5. Gerard Butler

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So it turns out Gerard Butler and the Lohan are definitely sort of maybe perhaps shagging

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6. Lindsay Lohan

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Watch out Linds, poppa's coming home

• Send Lindsay Lohan down
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7. Jordan

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We'd be embarrassed if we were a teenage boy and Jordan thought we fancied her too

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8. Gary Barlow

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Robbie and Gary love each other so much now, they’re having sex

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9. Mark Owen

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Take That and Party, just not so hearty anymores

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10. Kimberley Walsh

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The rest of Girls Aloud just can't resist being a teensy bit bitchy about Nadine

• Send Kimberley Walsh down
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11. Nicola Roberts

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10 women, 10 awful outfits, 10 reasons to feel a bit smug (and go shopping again)

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12. Jennifer Aniston

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Jen's resorting to the old "whammers out" trick, then

• Send Jennifer Aniston down
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13. Kylie Minogue

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Those Minogue sisters are real lucky lucky lucky

• Send Kylie Minogue down
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14. Beyonce Knowles

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Here's a terrifying glimpse into Beyonce and Jay-Z's future

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15. Brad Pitt

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Oh we’re falling in love with Brad Pitt all over again

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