Dog expert states the obvious about Jessica Simpson's coyote snatch horror

Posted by: 3am
16/09/09
12:38 pm

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Which isn't a headline we ever thought we'd be writing. Yesterday, we brought you the deeply upsetting, disturbing and not even remotely funny news that Jessica Simpson's pet dog Daisy had "gone missing" from her garden after being attacked by a coyote. We all felt terribly guiltily after secretly sniggering at Jessica for putting up posters offering a reward for Daisy's return, even though she saw the coyotes take her... and they can't read (but then, we're not sure Jessica can either, so maybe that's irrelevent).

Anyway, now, in an even more absurd twist, a "celebrity dog trainer" (how's that for a jumped-up job title?) has spoken out - and while she's been a little more sensitive with her wording, her point is the same as ours - that dog isn't coming back.

"If she witnesses a coyote taking the dog...obviously coyotes don't Twitter!" says Jennifer McCarthy (not the one with the boobs and Jim Carrey). " So that would be essentially not very effective in this case." Yeah, she's trying to keep a straight face, but she's just as mean as us.

She goes on, "Unfortunately, if she saw the coyote take Daisy, the chances of it surviving are very slim. She's probably not alive anymore. It's an important lesson in coexisting with wildlife. We're so detached from nature as human beings. We have to understand, this is the circle of life and how it works."

That's deep, man. We can smell the incense from here.

Jennifer has also offered some advice to Jessica on grieving for her poor dead dog. "Obviously, people need to go through the grieving process and losing an animal is a different kind of loss than even a human being because pets are unconditional love," she says, with a single tear trickling down her cheek (maybe). In more practical advice, Jennifer also tells Jessica to "carry pepper spray and an airhorn" to scare coyotes away. Seriously? That's going to be annoying. Still, Jessica's always been pretty close to being an actual cartoon, and this just confirms it.

(Pic: Splash)