This week's most entertaining Twitter Twaddle

Little Boots: “Off to Amsterdam for gig tonight, anyone coming? London city is best airport ever. Sliiiick.”

Reading the world “sliiiick” is like smelling your hand after stroking a flea ridden mongrel that’s rolled in cat shit. And no, we can’t make it tonight because we don’t think the boss will understand when we fob off work to fanny around in Amsterdam off the back of your virtual invite. But thanks.

Dannii Minogue: “Chris Martin and Stacey duet would be incredible.”

Given that both Dannii and Stacey have the musical credibility of a small mushroom, the only way Chris Martin will perform on The X Factor is if he has a fondness for Donkey from Shrek.

Jessica Michibata: “I'm getting acupuncture done! It feels soooo good...” 

Has no one warned Jenson’s bit of skirt about the dangers of texting with needles in your face?

Pink: “The hotel put a x-mas tree in my room. It's like putting a pacifier in a baby's mouth. I'm actually sitting on the floor mesmerized.”

We’ve been there (well, not the hotel part where someone sneaks in to erect a frickin’ tree), but it’s true. At this time of year, we tend to gravitate towards fairy lights like festive gnats.

Fearne Cotton: “Errrg have woken up with monster spot on my cheek. It’s so big it hurts!”

Nice. We’ve also been here, except for part where photographers and gossip websites spread the pus-filled nightmare across the world. Sucks for you!

Paris Hilton: “How do you like the new purse from my Paris Hilton handbag line?”

I’ll let you know if I transform into a twat and buy the bag.

Rochelle, The Saturdays: “Mmm new car smell!”

Mmm, we just sold our car to fund staying alive via food. A hole.

Jordan: “I feeeel sooo goood today”

Ooooh goooood, glad to here it. Noooooot.

Dannii: “440pm in London and its pitch black! Aaarrgghh I'm a celebrity get me out of here!”

Here, let us get the door for you.

Pic: SplashNews.com